Let's Solve One of the World's Problems

There's all of this talk about alternative fuel for our vehicles to cure the greenhouse problem, blah blah blah. Everyone ignores the elephant in the room. The real problem is cars themselves. We need an alternative to driving cars.

The most obvious solution for around town is the bicycle. If it were really that easy, though, we'd all just be riding bicycles already. There are a few problems with the bicycle, though, the first one being that we're all freakin' lazy, but let's just ignore that problem. Let's just visualize a world where in we are not all lazy jerks. (Even though you are- and so am I- let's just all admit it! We're all lazy as all get out! But pretend we're not. I'm living in a dream world, but trust me here, for a moment.)

Okay, I shouldn't ignore that problem. We are lazy. And some of us are truly handicapped. I saw this bicycle once at a silly electronics store that had an electric motor on it for getting you up the hills. I guess you could get one of those and plug it in at night, and be okay.

But the real problem with a bicycle is best illustrated on a day like today. NOT because it's Tofurkey Eve, no. It's just that it's snowing outside. What to do about that, then?

Clearly we need bicycles with heaters and windshields. We need to put them inside of some sort of a weatherproof bubble.

And then there's the problem of balancing on the ice, of course. And also the problem of transporting lots of groceries or babies, etc. We could solve those two issues by riding not bicycles, but tricycles. The tricycles could have some sort of trunk and/or back seat on them, where one could put a baby car seat or a stack of groceries, all carefully packaged in your cloth grocery bags, of course.

I don't know why no one has thought of this sooner!

For longer distances, we need a train system.

So, there you have it. I have now solved the climate crisis. Every man, woman, and child in this country needs a tricycle with a weather proof bubble, heater, and optional rechargeable electric engine.


  1. OK, Cellar Door. Here are a few tricycles for you, lead the way! ;)
    The executive
    Schwinn Tricycle
    We can work on the heater once you get your new sweet ride.

  2. I don't think you'd necessarily need the heater. I rode my bike all winter in Durango while I was student teaching, and I was always hot when I arrived at work or home. Often soaked to the skin from the rain or even, sometimes, with some frost forming on my eyebrows from the snow, but hot as hell, anyway.

  3. Some folks here in Cloverdale drive little electric "golf cart" cars around town. I'm not sure if they are street legal in big cities like Madison, though. They are pretty nice except that you really can't get out of town with them. They won't get up to speed on the highways.

  4. I would like a heater. I have arrived places frozen and / or soaked through. I'm also thinking of my current situation. I wouldn't want Zelma exposed to the wind and rain and freezing rain and snow. She hates wind!

    I guess what I'm trying to get at, though, is why do people always use their cars, for the most part? Even as gas gets crazy expensive, why do we keep driving? I drive, I think because it's convenient and warm. Why do you drive? Or do you?

  5. I drive because I like to drive and you like to go for drives with me. Flagrantly wasting gas we do, for fun! Driving is fun - that's why we drive. :)

  6. This is true. It's fun to ride around with you. I like it a lot. That's why we do it.

    It would be just as fun to ride a train, though. Too bad there isn't one.