Pizza Menu in Sweden

I'm just sitting here in the old Midwestern Town of Mexico City, enjoying some Pan Pizza and reminiscing about our recent trip to Scandinavia. I took this picture of our menu at a pizza place near Bollnäs, Sweden:

In the last twenty years, the "Pizza Kebob" places have taken over Scandinavia. I read Eat Smart, Norway before I went, and I even went to a presentation by Joan Peterson at the local library. I sampled some lovely food at home here. But that's not what we had while we were actually in Scandinavia. The real food in the backwoods of Norway was a strange conglomeration of random stuff on pizza- from corn to mutton to ranch dressing. There's nothing they won't put on a pizza there. Sweden was pretty much the same. I'm not saying it's necessarily bad food, but I do prefer American Pan Pizza in the United States- like the kind they have here in the Midwestern town of Mexico City.

The ingredients to the "Mexico City" are:

Tomato Sauce
Cheese (no type specified)
Mincemeat
Tobasco
Corn
Jalapeño
Taco Seasoning Mix
Arugula

Because nothing says "Mexico City" like Mincemeat and Arugula.

Sign #1

The fourteen year old boy in me thought this was really funny. I know it means, "Speed Bump." Farts Humper????? Ah, Norway. You're a freak of nature but we love you so.

Let your food quiet your mouth.

When my Grandma Ruth was a little girl, her mother used to tell her, "Låt maten tysta munnen." Grandma did not know what it meant, but she knew it had something to do with food, because her mother always said it while Little Ruthie was eating. Later, when I discovered that it basically meant to be quiet while you're eating (literally, "Let your food quiet your mouth,") I wasn't completely surprised. Apparently, Little Ruthie talked a lot, even as a liten flicka. She talks a lot now, too.

A year or so ago, Grandma moved into an apartment. The apartment is a stone's throw away from the house where she was born. I've been meaning to make her a housewarming gift. A few days ago, I finally got around to it. It's a sign for her kitchen:





I hope she likes it.

Do not block this door!

This is a real sign.


This is on a door in the classroom where I take Little Z once a week to her music class. It is not (thank goodness!) ever necessary for us to use this door. The part under the glare says, "Do not block this door!"

The rest,

"If door does not open, tell occupants to move away from the door and evenly distribute weight on the platform, then it will open."

I don't know. Do I even have to explain why this is amusing to me?

Let's say someone, maybe me, let's say I want to open the door. I'm not supposed to block it. Do I stand in front of it to open it? Is that okay?

And then, if I try the knob (never will I ever be so brave as to try the knob) and it doesn't open, I guess I'm supposed to scream through the door at the "occupants,"

"MOVE AWAY FROM THE DOOR! EVENLY DISTRIBUTE YOUR WEIGHT ON THE PLATFORM! MOVE AWAY FROM THE DOOR!"

This is bad enough, but then consider that, while contemplating this door, I am in a music class for people under the age of five. What would happen if they all got that door open, ran in, and shut it after them?

Take a moment to visualize a dozen people under five. All but one of them are actually under the age of four.

I would say,

"MOVE AWAY FROM THE DOOR! EVENLY DISTRIBUTE YOUR WEIGHT ON THE PLATFORM! MOVE AWAY FROM THE DOOR!"

And they would say,

"You have a green shirt!"
"I like noodles."
"Dinosaur!"
"There are twelve of us!"
"Waaaaa!"
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
"Mine!"


And we would call the fire department. And the fireman would say,




[I'll let you decide what the fireman would say.]