I used to work at this deli where we put all of the deli scraps into a bucket, and every day this local farmer would come by and pick up the scraps to feed to his pigs. Deli scraps are mostly meat, however, and most of that meat is pig. I think we had thirteen different varieties of ham. So, on the surface, it WOULD seem like a good thing, recycling the food scraps and feeding it to the pigs, but if you think about it- WE MADE THOSE POOR PIGS INTO CANNIBALS!!!!!

My First Scrabble

I made my first Scrabble on Sunday! A Scrabble, for those of you who are rusty on the rules, is when you lay down all seven letters at once and get fifty extra points! My word was "salines". I found that it may unnerve your opponent slightly when you take a picture of the board.

Jane Jetson

If I am
that mom person
I am totally futuristic.

I don't normally get overly excited about cleaning tools (well, okay, I did get really excited about my Swedish Dusting System, because it can reach all the way into that corner above the stair well- you know, like way high up there? and--- oh, wait, I guess I do get really excited about cleaning tools, but that was DUSTING, and Jennifer and Jonathan know how I am about DUSTING-). Anyway, although it may be a lie, I like to say that I don't normally get excited about cleaning tools, but I just bought this ROBOT!!!!!


It's a Robot that actually vacuums your house for you while you just sit around, eating bonbons, watching your stories. I am going to be so Jane Jetson.

They just emailed me that it's shipped from the factory. It's like Christmas all over again.

Seriously, though, babies eat everything, and every time I turn around, Das Baby is finding some little something to eat off of the floor, and it's too much to vacuum every day. Who in the world wants to do that? This way, too, I figure I can drive the cat insane. It will be fun.

Stay at Home Mom?

This salesman came to my door a few days ago and said, "Hello, Mom! I can tell that you're the MOM in the house!"

Wow. That was really bizarre.

I hate that I am that person, with the kid and the husband, blah blah blah, and people assume that I'm ... THAT PERSON. Like I'm just like every other "stay at home mom"????? So so so weird. I cannot, in a million years, even if I have twelve kids and *home school them all, ever relate to that phrase, "stay at home mom". I think I am a single lesbian in a married "stay at home mom" person's body. Is that possible?

* I know people who home school their kids because they are religious fanatics, and are afraid of what kids might learn at school. The only logical reason I can think of to ever home school a child is if I were convinced that there was some sort of contagious disease on the loose in our schools, something worse than pink eye. Like, I don't know, something that made you a zombie-like creature thirsting for human flesh. Then, I might home-school. Or just send Zelma to school with some anti-bacterial lotion. I don't know.

Blue Moon

I learned today that the term, "Blue Moon" does not, in fact, mean a full moon twice in one month, but rather the third moon in a season with four full moons. To quote Wikipedia (and to summarize our wonderfully thorough (insane?) weatherman on WORT):

"Blue moon is also a name given to the third full moon of four during a given season. The Farmer's Almanac also defines blue moon as the third full moon of four that occurs in a season... From 1946, people started calling a full moon a blue moon if it was the second of two full moons to occur in the same calendar month. This definition of blue moon originated from a mistake in an article in the March 1946 Sky & Telescope magazine, which misinterpreted the dates & meaning provided by the Farmer's Almanac."

Which means that right now, we have a blue moon. So, Dad, you said you would come to visit, "once in a blue moon." I'm waiting.

Special Guest Star, Grandma Kathleen!

The whole time Kathleen (Brian's mom) was visiting us (five days), her hand was broken, and she didn't even know it! She just kept commenting that her hand hurt and that she couldn't really use it. Here's a picture she sent me, which I am posting without her permission (because I think it's cute):


Thanks to my trusty new CD, "Bird Song Ear Training Guide," I've been learning a lot about birds lately. This CD plays recordings of all of the Midwestern birds singing, and then it has this girl who imitates them, but adds little mnemonic devices to help your remember their calls. Here are a few of my favorites:

1. Least Bittern, call: "poopoopoopoo" - It makes me think of "least bitter" which I guess could be ale, but I prefer to think of it emotionally.

2. Dickcissel, call: "dick, dick, sizzle, sizzle" - for obvious sophomoric reasons, I find this extremely funny.

3. Least Flycatcher, call: "chebek" - I'm always a fan of the underdog, or underbird, as the case may be. Who is the Most Flycatcher, I wonder?

4. Dark-eyed Junco, call: "musical trills" - How romantic! Who gets close enough to a wild bird to see its eyes?

5. Rednecked Pheasant, call: "cow cat" - upon closer examination, it appears that this is really the Ringnecked Pheasant. Darn.

6. Yellow-bellied Sapsucker, call: "nasal meaw" - an unfortunate creature!

7. Tufted Titmouse, call: "peter peter peter peter" - tee hee hee!

Garage Band

I bought this piano at a garage sale on Friday. The people whom I bought it from trucked it over to our house and Brian helped this huge man put it into the garage. And that's where it is. Who knew pianos were incredibly heavy? Like 600 pounds heavy or something? I never knew that.

It sounds quite nice, though. I'm still glad I bought it.

The Power of Negative Thinking Mad Lib

I'm just a _(noun)__. I might as well not even __(verb)_.

I guess I'll give up __(verb)_. I was never very good at it, anyway.

Don't __(verb)__ the ___(noun)__! You'll _(verb)_ it!

I wish I were a __(noun)__. Then I could ___(verb)__. But that will never __(verb)__.