Sock Monkey Fail

Uncle Buck Dollars gave my daughter this lovely... elephant (?) which is now her favorite toy. Thanks, Mr. Dollars! You have horrifically wonderful taste. We are clearly related (by marriage).

Big Z (age 7) believes it not to be an elephant, but a pooping Bonobo with a bone growth on its skull. 

She sites the red anus and short length of tail as evidence that it isn't really a tail; it is poop. It's difficult to disagree with such cold hard facts. 

This monkey is a freak of nature, and we love him so. 

A wonderful addition to the Big Z's toy family. 

(Buck Dollars, age unknown, loved this toy like it was his own sweet babe, and we are grateful for his sacrifice.)

I'm Sitting at the Post Office

My Aunt, Lou Buckingham, lives in a gothic mansion in South Carolina with her husband, Buck Dollars. Behind the house is a building that is rumored to be the original town post office. Buck has  sort of made it his workshop, I believe. At least, the last time I went there, he showed me around, and there were walls torn out and he was building, building, building, demolishing, adding, because he's this creative mechanical genius who always is doing something. In the added on parts were things like pump organs and this two ton antique piece of equipment that... did... something? Whatever it did, it was impressive.

When people try to be "steampunk," I think they are really just trying to be what Aunt Lou and Buck Dollars are naturally.

I think that's what the song is about, his doings in the post office out back. Oh, did I mention? Buck Dollars and Lou Buckingham are in this great gothic rock band, Wasted Wine. So that's why the song is about them. Do I have the greatest family, or what?

Friday Farm Functionals: 7,000-Lb. Capacity 4-Post Auto Lift/ Storage Lift or Buck Dollars is responsible for my unnecessary tool addiction

This whole "farm functionals" thing has a history that began with our visit to my Aunt Lou and Uncle Buck Dollars in April. While we were there, visiting, the Dollars' family were kind to us, and even let us use their toilets for our personal needs. In the mens toilet, I later learned, there was a certain reading material, the "Northern Tool + Equipment Catalog". Its presence there could be explained by Uncle Buck being something of a mechanical genius who takes apart and repairs player pianos- probably not the specific group of people the Northern Tool Catalog had in mind, but anywho.

TLBP did mention, "Bucky has a great catalog!" while we were visiting; I didn't realize the extent of it until we received one in the mail. I almost threw it in the trash immediately, because that's what I do. Then, I noticed it had TLBP's name on it, and decided to give it to him and have him throw it away. Once he got home and I told him I was going to throw it away, he was appalled to the point that I think he briefly lost faith in all of womankind. This, he assured me, was the catalog to end all catalogs! He had ordered it intentionally! How, how, how could I even consider throwing it away? And how much of his other mail did I habitually throw away, by the way?

Hopefully he will forgive me before the end of time. In the meanwhile, we have fun looking through the Northern Tool Catalog while Little Z plays in the bathtub each night. And this is where I got the idea to have my, "Farm Functionals" each week. Every night, TLBP comes up with a new thing that we "need for the farm,"

"We need this for the outbuilding! Just think how many cars we could store with this! We could get five of them!" I'm just as enthusiastic,

"We could buy seven of them and store fourteen cars in the organic machine house!"

What, you might ask, were we talking about? Why, a 7,000-LB Capacity 4-Post Auto Lift/ Storage Lift, of course. This way, you can raise one car up and store another underneath it! Or, you could raise seven cars up and store seven more underneath them! It's absolutely fantastic! And only $1999.99! Free shipping!

So what do you think, fellow minions? Should we buy a few?