Friday Farm Functionals: 7,000-Lb. Capacity 4-Post Auto Lift/ Storage Lift or Buck Dollars is responsible for my unnecessary tool addiction

This whole "farm functionals" thing has a history that began with our visit to my Aunt Lou and Uncle Buck Dollars in April. While we were there, visiting, the Dollars' family were kind to us, and even let us use their toilets for our personal needs. In the mens toilet, I later learned, there was a certain reading material, the "Northern Tool + Equipment Catalog". Its presence there could be explained by Uncle Buck being something of a mechanical genius who takes apart and repairs player pianos- probably not the specific group of people the Northern Tool Catalog had in mind, but anywho.

TLBP did mention, "Bucky has a great catalog!" while we were visiting; I didn't realize the extent of it until we received one in the mail. I almost threw it in the trash immediately, because that's what I do. Then, I noticed it had TLBP's name on it, and decided to give it to him and have him throw it away. Once he got home and I told him I was going to throw it away, he was appalled to the point that I think he briefly lost faith in all of womankind. This, he assured me, was the catalog to end all catalogs! He had ordered it intentionally! How, how, how could I even consider throwing it away? And how much of his other mail did I habitually throw away, by the way?

Hopefully he will forgive me before the end of time. In the meanwhile, we have fun looking through the Northern Tool Catalog while Little Z plays in the bathtub each night. And this is where I got the idea to have my, "Farm Functionals" each week. Every night, TLBP comes up with a new thing that we "need for the farm,"

"We need this for the outbuilding! Just think how many cars we could store with this! We could get five of them!" I'm just as enthusiastic,

"We could buy seven of them and store fourteen cars in the organic machine house!"

What, you might ask, were we talking about? Why, a 7,000-LB Capacity 4-Post Auto Lift/ Storage Lift, of course. This way, you can raise one car up and store another underneath it! Or, you could raise seven cars up and store seven more underneath them! It's absolutely fantastic! And only $1999.99! Free shipping!

So what do you think, fellow minions? Should we buy a few?


  1. You know, I once met a couple who have such a thing in their ancient barn-garage-safe. He collects and races vintage cars and they're not the sort of thing you keep on the driveway.

    If you're planning on having multiple, precious vehicles I understand it's quite useful. My car is worth less than $1999.

    It will need to be serviced I suppose. But probably the catalogue has all the tools you need to service it.

    Hmm. I'm saying no. Mostly because if the little one is anything like me, it will get used as a dangerous toy at some point.

  2. Shoshanah,
    This company Diamond Farm Book Publishers sent me a catalog at work yesterday, and I thought you may enjoy their farm animal/equipment books. You should check out their website:
    Love, Mom

  3. I have adopted my Mother's Motto:
    "Don't Hold Back!"
    But in this, particular, case I am advising you: Hold back.

  4. Haha... I freak out about catalogs too! I even used to go to websites of all sorts of weird stores and request loads of free catalogs, just to browse through stuff I'll never buy. Horrible waste of trees. It's just such fun to me though.

    Maybe catalog-hoarding runs in the family?

  5. There are so many weird catalogs around here that I didn't even notice that one.
    But I don't know, that Auto Lift thingy sounds like the perfect set-up for a "Six Feet Under" episode.
    (husband decides to ride up with the car and something goes horribly wrong with the mechanism). I'm just saying.

  6. Oh, really, what could go wrong? And how to better spend $2,000? It'll be awesome! You all are so negative... ;)

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