Do not block this door!

This is a real sign.


This is on a door in the classroom where I take Little Z once a week to her music class. It is not (thank goodness!) ever necessary for us to use this door. The part under the glare says, "Do not block this door!"

The rest,

"If door does not open, tell occupants to move away from the door and evenly distribute weight on the platform, then it will open."

I don't know. Do I even have to explain why this is amusing to me?

Let's say someone, maybe me, let's say I want to open the door. I'm not supposed to block it. Do I stand in front of it to open it? Is that okay?

And then, if I try the knob (never will I ever be so brave as to try the knob) and it doesn't open, I guess I'm supposed to scream through the door at the "occupants,"

"MOVE AWAY FROM THE DOOR! EVENLY DISTRIBUTE YOUR WEIGHT ON THE PLATFORM! MOVE AWAY FROM THE DOOR!"

This is bad enough, but then consider that, while contemplating this door, I am in a music class for people under the age of five. What would happen if they all got that door open, ran in, and shut it after them?

Take a moment to visualize a dozen people under five. All but one of them are actually under the age of four.

I would say,

"MOVE AWAY FROM THE DOOR! EVENLY DISTRIBUTE YOUR WEIGHT ON THE PLATFORM! MOVE AWAY FROM THE DOOR!"

And they would say,

"You have a green shirt!"
"I like noodles."
"Dinosaur!"
"There are twelve of us!"
"Waaaaa!"
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
"Mine!"


And we would call the fire department. And the fireman would say,




[I'll let you decide what the fireman would say.]