We stood outside at 7 AM on Tuesday, and the bus came and took Z away to third grade! The only thing was, as she ran across the street and hopped on the bus, her backpack bounced up, and I saw that she had a big hole in the butt of her pants! Of course.
I let her ride away on the bus, though. Once these things are set in motion, there's no stopping them. And then I fretted. She was going to a new school, a Big Kid school, and a hole that showed her underwear, on the first day? This just would not do. And so, while I would have preferred to eat my bonbons and watch my stories, and chill like a ho on a Sunday, instead I grabbed a pair of shorts (the ones with the pandas and bamboo print) and drove on up to her school.
I had no idea where to go or what to do when I got there. There were gazoodles of people! I couldn't believe it. People taking pictures or just hanging out, worrying. I saw a friend who said,
"I know it's against the rules, but I wish they would let us go inside with them on the first day!"
As she spoke, my eyes scanned the masses. Brushing aside my friend like a gnat (I feel bad about it now) I continued on my mission. I saw someone with a name badge on a lanyard,
"Where are the third graders who rude the bus?" I asked. She only scowled at me. I looked more closely at her name badge. It said she was from Saint Mary's Hospital. "Oh! I'm sorry!"
Then I ran into another friend, who hugged me, and I told her how worried I was that Z would be made fun of, on the first day of school, and she told me about Christopher and how, by his rules, his mom wasn't allowed to be there. They grow up fast!
Then I saw her! I saw Z! Sitting on the asphalt. I went up to her.
"I thought that was you," she said.
"You have a hole in the butt of your pants!"
Then she felt her arse.
"Hey!" She said, delighted, "I do! That's a really big hole!"
"I brought you some shorts to change into!"
"Awww. Do I have to?"
"What? You don't want to change? People can see your underwear!"
"I know. It's just that those are my least favorite shorts."