12 Things I Learned from The Revenant

1. If you are going to sleep in a hallowed out horse carcass, you'd better get naked first.

2. It snows a lot in ... Um... Canada? Where the heck are they?

3. You can spend indefinite amounts of time in 33 degree water and never freeze to death, as long as you have revenge in your heart.

4. Even if you have three gigantic fires burning, it's better to just eat the buffalo meat raw.

5. Men are just like elk, when afraid, "they run deep into the woods." (Good to know.)

6. A revenant is someone who comes back from the dead, often for revenge.

 7. Nineteenth century boots were completely waterproof, much more so than those boots you buy today at a Farm and Fleet in Verona.

8. Going to a knife fight, but you only have a tomahawk? That works. 

9. Moving water + dramatic string orchestra + untranslated whispered words in a native tongue = high drama. 

10. Never forgive.

11. Never die. 

12. Never admit that this story really happened in the summertime.