Imagine a Swear Word Coloring Book with No Swear Words

Confession: I really hate swear word coloring books. But I am envious. Not of their content, no, of their sales! I feel like, while I painstakingly draw all of these elaborately creative masterpieces and making tens,these people are drawing loop Dee loops around F U C K  Y O U and making thousands. While part of me understands the need to make a living, and the inherent humor in senseless cursing, a bigger part of me thinks these coloring books are simply tasteless vulgarity. Their humor is essentially humorless. Jerry Seinfeld said once that if a joke doesn't work without swearing, it isn't a good joke. Swear word comedy is basically cheap and fucked up. (Yes, I just did that there. You may call me a "fucking hypocrite," but I prefer "multi-faceted and deeply complicated.")

Introducing a new idea: the alternative to the swear words coloring book. How about a slightly more high brow approach, a book that teaches new archaic insults that no one has heard this century? This book will teach you how to put people down, without them even knowing it! Religious? No actual swears will be printed! Have kids looking over your shoulder? No problem! Enjoy knowing more than everyone else? This is your book!

Just an idea. But what would the title be? 

Blasphemy Be Damned! 

 I've been spending all of my art energy on the Tufa Coloring Book today, so this is all I've got so far:

Sorry. I need to fuck around with it a little more, I guess. 


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. ahahahahha great idea, I think I need to improve my swear vocabulary. especially as I have a little one, she can't pick up anything I would get in trouble for eheheheh

  3. That's a ding buster-cain deckin' idea! ;)