My first inkling that football might be a big deal in Wisconsin was when I was reading a John Irving book (was it A Widow for One Year?) and it began with a man accidentally committing suicide in Wisconsin, on the night that the Packers lost the Super Bowl. The investigating police in the novel pondered whether the man actually killed himself over the Packers' loss, or whether he had another motive. Seriously.
The only sport I have ever seriously cared about was Olympic Figure Skating. That's right. I just wrote "seriously" and "Olympic Figure Skating" in the same sentence.
So, I try to fit in here.
Try. I bought a sweatshirt Friday. It says, "Packers" on it. I wore it to work because it was the day you were supposed to wear your favorite team sweatshirt. There were a shocking amount of Packer sweatshirts at school on Friday. Okay, actually, it is impossible to be shocked by the amount of sweatshirts or the amount of Packers stuff people wear here. It just is. It's like how tigers wear striped fur coats. You expect it. Sweatshirts, Packers stuff, Badger stuff. It just is. The Tao of the Midwest.
Today, the Packers are playing the Bears to see which team goes to the Superbowl. All week, this has been the talk of the state. Today at Miller and Sons, I saw this old guy wearing Packers gear from head to toe. Nothing unusual about that. Another guy walked up to him and said,
"Hey, I saw a guy over there, right in the next aisle, wearing a bears jacket and a bears hat. You should go pound him!"
"He better be wearing a helmet, too!" said the old man.
"He should go back to Chicago, where he belongs!" said the first guy. See.
I don't think I've ever even dated a guy, or been remotely attracted to anyone who was seriously into football. Bad-Assed Husband plays virtual football. Or, wait, what's that stuff called? I don't even know. You get together your "team" which is a bunch of real players, but it's just a little game of your own and... you all know what I'm talking about, right? It's probably all about drinking beer and hanging out, but you're supposed to keep track of who does what in the real football games and that affects how your pretend team does against the pretend teams of other people. BAH does that. But the funny thing is, he never watches any games. Ever. (As far as I know.)
So, I wore the Packers thing on Friday, and BAH says, "You should wear a Bears one on Monday."
This is hilarious because, you know, I would be completely ostracized. Not kidding. Holden Caulfield would I be. There would be disparaging rumors about my mental health. All because of a sweatshirt. Really. This is serious business.
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