An Excerpt from, "Let's Pretend This Never Happened" by Jenny Lawson

This part of the book deals with protecting your house in the country from foxes by urinating around the perimeter.

Page 294: "I called my mom to ask whether Daddy could drive a few hours to come pee around my house for protection, but she said he couldn't, becasue it's a really busy season for taxidermy. But she said if I 'really needed it' she could probably mail me some. I considered it, buth then said no, because first of all, that is a package I don't ever want to sign for, and second, because I can already predict that Victor will be all pissed off (no pun intended) that I asked my father for help protecting us from foxen, and then Victor will be all, 'I AM THE ALPHA MALE IN THIS HOUSE AND NO ONE IS PEEING ON IT BUT ME.' Then the next time my dad comes over they'll end up in a pissing contest. Literally. Except Victor is too competitive and he'd probably push it too far and would be like, 'oh, yeah? Forget pee; I'll throw up everywhere!' and I'll be all, 'Your overachievement is gross.' We never had these problems when we lived in the suburbs."

I laughed out loud about 50 times while reading this book. She's as funny as David Sedaris. (Actually, I don't think her blog is quite as funny as David Sedaris's books, but her book is totally as funny as his books, which is the only fair comparison anyway.)


  1. That's funny! I can't wait to read your first book.

  2. Thanks for your confidence in me. I guess it has to be true, because you don't read fiction!