Another Very Poorly Illustrated Story *

When I was a teenager, I went through a stage when I got up at the crack of dawn and went jogging every morning. I started on my own; later, I went with a friend. This very poorly illustrated story happened to me one day when I was jogging alone.

I was on one of those jogging trails where you have little things to do every few hundred feet or so, like pull-ups or bench presses, so it was a very popular trail on which to jog. I was moving along, minding my own business, when a giant orange dog jumped on me and nearly knocked me over. Then, it started running in circles around me, so that I couldn’t go anywhere. After a few minutes, it quit bothering me, and opted instead for jogging alongside of me. I thought my troubles were over. But...

A little ways up the trail, the dog ran up ahead of me, to meet another runner, and jump on her, and run circles around her, and jump on her again. This lady assumed it was my dog, and screamed at me, “GET YOUR DOG OFF OF ME!” To which I replied, quite shocked,

“It’s not my dog.”

When the bitch was done mauling her, it came back and trotted beside me, again. And then another jogger came, and it jumped on the next jogger, and he screamed at me, and so on. Some people were quite timid at first, just throwing me dirty looks, whereas others commenced the shouting right away. This happened five or six times.

It was a horrible jog that morning.

When I reached the borders of the park, the dog left me.

Sometimes, life is just like that. Through no fault of your own, you are associated with something really bad.

* Click here for the poorly illustrated story about the bear.


  1. Well that was unlucky, but didn't Gus McCrae say that if you ride with an outlaw you die with an outlaw? A call to the dog-catcher would have put that mutt where it belonged.

  2. Oh dear. I had a not-my-boyfriend like that once.

  3. Oh, Sweet Jesus. Between this story and the "F*** You, Penguin" blog, I just laughed so hard I almost passed out.

  4. Gina, I just checked out the "Fuck You Penguin Blog," because I'd never heard of it, and it has over 7,000 followers! I have 13. I feel so small time. I guess I shouldn't think like that, though. I have the cream of the crop, after all.