Crappy Bumper Sticker

I saw a bumper sticker today on a GMC Sonoma. (Why do they name trucks after every place I've ever lived?) The bumper sticker said,

JESUS LOVES YOU AND SO DO I

Hm.

What liars.


I guess they could have attained some higher level of consciousness whereby it is possible to love everyone on Earth, but then would they really be driving a GMC Sonoma and proclaiming it on a sticker? Does the Dalai Llama have a bumper sticker? What would Jesus drive? What about Buddha?

Indeed. JESUS LOVES YOU AND SO DO I.


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When I was a teenager, my dad had this sticker on his Honda,

F.A.R.T.
FATHERS AGAINST RADICAL TEENAGERS


I couldn't figure out if he was trying to embarrass me, or if he really thought it was cool. Or both.


My mother (just for the sake of comparison) had a bumper sticker that said,

WELCOME TO CALIFORNIA. NOW GO HOME.


Someone had tried to peel it off. Half of it was missing, but it was a strip across the middle, so you could still read it.


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I don't have any bumper stickers.


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The worst ones, really, are the environmental ones, which I haven't taken notice of in a while. Those ones with Chief Seattle,

THE EARTH BELONGS TO NO ONE, BLAH BLAH BLAH




I used to get so angry, riding my bicycle and seeing those stickers. I used to want to scream,

"You're driving an internal combustion engine, people! WAKE UP!"


But then I got older and I mellowed out a bit. Now I don't even care.

Well, I care. I just learned how not to be so angry all the time.


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Still a little bitter, I guess.

Sorry.

6 comments:

  1. I used to have a bumpersticker that read "Got brains?"
    It worked on both a zombie-lover and I-hate-Dallas-drivers level.

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  2. Nice.

    I used to have, "herbivore". This was at the same time as I had a "Ducks Unlimited" license plate. Ducks Unlimited preserves wetlands so that duck hunters can hunt on them.

    I didn't see these two things as being in conflict- at first. But then I realized that it looked like I just enjoyed killing ducks for sport, and refused to eat them. So I was a sick puppy.

    But not really.

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  3. CD - I once protested the culling of Ruddy Ducks. Invader ducks... Coming over here, shagging our ducks.

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  4. That was sort of my line of thought when I got the "ducks unlimited" license plates. I thought it meant, you know, unlimited duckage throughout the world. Save the ducks! But then they started sending me these hunting magazines. And then I thought, well, at least they're saving the wetlands. That's good.

    But somehow it all went awry, and here I am eating chickens! That darn slippery slope.

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  5. My husband was once asked if he was a vegetarian because meat is murder. His reply, "No, murder is great, but only senseless murder. Eating animals is too practical."
    You have to admit, that's one way to shut down an argument before it happens.

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  6. Good one. I like the Natalie Dee comic, too, where she says that eating people is the truly environmental alternative, because with every person you eat, you have completely erased their carbon footprint- forever!

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