This was my favourite order of the day:
She ordered a 17 pound Bourban Red turkey, two organic frozen chickens, a dozen eggs, a portrait of her daughter, and a portrait of her cat. I threw in some fresh thyme for free.
Later, after I had brought everything and stayed a while chit chatting, I was leaving and her boyfriend said,
"Thanks for the time. I mean, we really needed time. We even bought some time today, but I think we needed more, so thanks for the time!"
She was nodding,
"Yeah, we needed more time, today." Don't we all? And what in the world are they smoking?
"I don't understand," I said.
"You gave us the free thyme, in the box," he said.
"Oh. OH! The thyme, right. The thyme, not the time. Well, you're welcome! Happy Thanksgiving."
You see, I thought, for some reason, that they were thanking me for the time they got to spend with Heather's son, Ralph, because I was a half an hour late- I needed more time! Heather lives far away from me and sent her children to pick up the turkey. (Ralph recently turned sixteen and got a drivers license.) So, Ralph was sitting in this strangers' house for half an hour, hob nobbing with unknown hippies, and then it turned out that his little sister and her friend were in the back seat of the car the entire time.
I came, finally, and handed him the styrofoam cooler. He had the most strangely delighted look on his face. Later, I called Heather and apologized on her answering machine. Still later, her message appeared on my answering machine,
"Don't be sorry! The kids had a great time picking up the turkey. Ralph thought it was just like a drug deal and it was the most fun he'd had in ages!"
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