Prettiness

"You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don't owe it to your mother, you don't owe it to your children, you don't owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked "female".

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be pretty if you want to. (You don't owe un-prettiness to feminism, in other words.) Pretty is pleasant, and fun, and satisfying, and makes people smile, often even at you. But in the hierarchy of importance, pretty stands several rungs down from happy, is way below healthy, and if done as a penance, or an obligation, can be so far away from independent that you may have to squint really hard to see it in the haze.

But what does you-don't-have-to-be-pretty mean in practical, everyday terms? It means that you don't have to apologize for wearing things that are held to be "unflattering" or "unfashionable" -- especially if, in fact, they make you happy on some level deeper than just being pretty does. So what if your favorite color isn't a "good" color on you? So what if you are "too fat" (by some arbitrary measure) for a sleeveless top? If you are clean, are covered enough to avoid a citation for public indecency, and have bandaged any open wounds, you can wear any color or style you please, if it makes you happy..."

-- Erin McKean

8 comments:

  1. "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright!..." :o)

    Julie Andrews

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  2. I love this. I'm as pretty as nature and the thrift shop allows. Most people are pretty okay with that. Heh... Pretty okay.

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  3. Pretty is as pretty does...just like a box of chocolates! :o)

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  4. Btw, C_d, I assume you know that Erin McKean is the genius behind Wordnik?

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  5. No, Oroboros. Just a strange coincidence, I think. I did not know that. I just liked what she said.

    We may have gone backwards since I was a child, as far as women being equal to men is concerned. Why do women still have to be good looking all the time while men sort of look like they look? The reason I think we have gone backwards is that, while the trend lately is like "it's okay to be a fat girl" nobody ever questions the underlying assumption that, of course, girls want to be pretty, that's like all we want forever and ever and ever, because... WTF? I don't get it.

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  6. Backward...yes but sometimes forward includes some backward. I would bet that the prettiness thing is being evolved away from in general. However, undoubtedly there is at least some genetic basis for the bias...and don't forget, culture is genetics writ large. If you don't believe that last sentence, well, that's okay, but think on it a bit just for grins.

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  7. Sometimes I get a little bitter and exasperated with the human race. Perhaps I am some sort of alien/ woman hybrid. That's my fantasy, at least.

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  8. Dissatisfaction with the status quo is the dynamic that drives our species, so you're just doin' what comes natural! :o)

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