There is no pain at the doctor's

Don't worry. I just have a broken tooth. The terrible shooting pain is only when I chew gum. In two weeks, they'll patch it up with hot glue and I'll be fine. But why can't the dentist acknowledge pain? All doctors are like this. Even when you're in labor, they're all like, "Breathe." As if breathing will distract you from the wild spawn ripping out of your body right then.[For those of you who haven't given birth: it's just like that scene in Alien when the monster rips out of her stomach, except that it comes out of your vagina, which is of course much more terrifying.]

5 comments:

  1. No one accepts the Alien scene as my excuse for not having children!
    I hope your dentist uses the high quality hot glue. Mine seems to get hers from the dollar store.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, I've got good insurance. I'm hopeful.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've always liked the description of the pain of giving birth I heard a stand-up comic give: "All you men want to feel what it feels like to give birth? Stretch your mouth with two fingers until it hurts REAL bad...okay, feel that?...now pull your lips back over your head!" Funny, I can't remember if it was amale or female comic. Maybe it was related in a joke I heard. Just can't remember...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've also seen a video where two men volunteered to feel the equivalent of the pain of childbirth via a tazer-like device; they were seriously persuaded of the intensity/reality of the pain, evidencing awed respect for what the ladies go through.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I saw that video! I think it was Swedish or Norwegian. One of the two guys couldn't handle it and quit halfway through.

    ReplyDelete